The labels Syndrome

If there is anything in this life I really don’t care about much will be labels and ideologies; I have extreme allergic reaction toward anything comes with a certain hypothesis that limit human thinking to what is stated between parenthesis. Maybe it is a psychological complex from my side, or it might be just natural behavior for the type mindset I have; I  just HATE anything put different people in one mold and try to fit them there with all their differences and uniqueness and ask them to believe that about themselves and apply the self-fulfilling prophecy whether they wanted that or not.

I don’t target here only negative labels; for me all labels are negative and they are meant to place huge mental and psychological locks on our freedom in a very smart intellectual way and diminish the individual in all of us with all our uniqueness, special traits and characteristics. It targets the initial belonging need in all human beings and asks them to stick to where they mostly fit; taking away or ignoring the other parts where they are completely different and they don’t fit at all. Whether that label was positive or negative it gives us an illusion of who we are, creating delusional societies where people either think they are worse than they really are or better than they really are, ignoring the fact that humans are unlike coins have more than two sides.

Labeling theory explains the phenomena as “the deviance according to which being labeled as a "deviant" leads a person to engage in deviant behavior.” This was originated in Howard Becker’s work in the 1960s; where he explained why people’s behavior clashes with social norms. But since the 1960s we have had more light on how social norms are changeable and we have a better understanding of human nature and I would like to believe that we all can agree partially or completely that no matter how similar we can appear, we are so different and unique which make it impossible for lots of us to fit in just one category.

  

A lot will debate the labeling is not a big of a deal, and if you don’t fit then simply reject them all. But that ignores the consequences in a larger scale; labels usually, create stereotypes and stereotypes create a self-fulfilling prophecy that affects people and coin them with the same characteristics and blind them from the other sides they might have in them. On the other hand, labels contribute massively in the creation of ideologies, theories and thinking schools which are the great intellectual fundament for our human civilization but when humans get attached to them tightly it creates the worse form of labeling where people only stick to people who only share the same thoughts and ideas that eventually creates extremism which I think is not only associated with religions and politics but everything; nationalism, racism, sexism …etc. which I believe is totally unhealthy for individual intellectual growth and for social tolerance and acceptance.  

Social research indicated that those who have negative labels most likely have lower self-esteem, are more likely to reject themselves, and may act more deviant as a result of the label. From the other side, people who accept the labeling of others—whether it’s correct or incorrect—have a difficult time changing their opinions of the labeled person, even in light of evidence to the contrary. That in the end, the result creates distorted society are unable to think freely for itself or be open-minded enough to accept the fact that variables in our life are subject to constant change and we should be accepting of it no matter if we understood that difference and change or not.

I will not ask anyone to imagine a world where labels never exist because it simply naïve, labels will always exist because it limits our freedom as individual and collective groups which OBVIOUSLY serve certain people who will always find a way to benefit from that. just what if we all have the courage to be ourselves to challenge the labels and ideologies; have our own thoughts and ideas, be open for new knowledge and don’t stick to anything that will take away the smallest part of our character.  Live unapologetically as our own being and exercise the total freedom of thoughts which is one of the things in this life no one can take away from us, be your own thinker and have the capacity to tolerate others thoughts and difference and change the world from within … you the smallest piece of the puzzle and the most important one! 

Why "You look like a Model" isn't a compliment

A lot of people get surprised when I get bothered by a compliment like "You look like a model" or "You should be a model" and how strongly I feel about such topic, not because I look down at models or I think I am better but because I think this topic has a strong impact on people and on our human culture, in general, that's why I am writing this post; to explain why from my point of view "You look like a model" is not a compliment and shouldn't be broadly used or accepted.

I do understand that we are superficial and get attracted to others mainly by their appearance, which is pretty normal and understandable but what I consider wrong is when appearance become everything that matters when appearance presented as superior quality or even when appearance overshadows more important qualities. Certainly, we are more than how we look, but living in a world that puts so much emphasis on looks make people glorify beauty in a disgusting manner which affects people, especially young ones in a really negative way.

Being a model literally requires NOTHING, seriously! You don't need qualifications, talent or knowledge to walk down the runway, all you need is your looks which is something predetermined by your genetics (or in some cases how much money you can spend on surgeries) and few skills no-brainer can't learn but still we find models (males and females) are categorized in the top of social structure and being viewed as role models in so many cases especially recently. Magazines, internet, and shows are presenting advises from models from dieting, fitness, fashion to even how to live your life which represents the flawed mentality of today's life. Models are not nutritionists, they might look healthy but most of the time they are not following healthy diets, models are not fitness experts, they have their own trainer who advises them and guides them all the time, and models are not fashion experts; though that might sound ridiculous but think about it, yeah they work in the fashion industry but again they have their own stylists and they only show what the designer or brands want them to represent so basically modeling is living as a doll or a manikin nothing more, something without a soul or a value.

Of course I don't mean models are less of human beings or less intelligent than any one of us, I bet there are many models who are amazing human beings and have awesome lives beside their modeling career but what I am saying is that modeling not that glorious as it seems and it doesn't require much and certainly is not the happiest career or life, there is this all dark side to it and so much stress based on superficiality, and that's why I feel so strongly toward this subject. I don't like Models being the standard I am compared to though I acknowledge the importance of appearance I don't want to be judged solely on that, I want people to see beyond looks, to care more about character, knowledge, and mentality. I want more valuable qualities to be glorified; like intelligence, compassion, open-mindedness, tolerance, joyfulness ... etc because eventually that what really matters. Looks easily can be faked, plastic surgeries are more common and accepted today than ever .. Funny enough you can take even a loan to have plastic surgery in some countries, people growing to be this obsessed with their looks which I think is very unhealthy because it drives us to the wrong direction as civilization. 

Many people will debate; what a harmless compliment as "you look like a model" has to do with our degradation as a civilization? I will respond with "A LOT" it might not be a big deal for me as a strong, grown-up person but it does a lot to a little girl/boy or a teenager, it builds up their self-perception, self-esteem, and their self-value. It classifies their values and what is important in life. it harms so much that person who suffers self-acceptance because we are molding beauty in one form and saying in an indirect way that beauty comes only in 0/XS size or in a certain height and weight which is a very distorted concept of beauty for me. Every person in this life is beautiful in their own way, and what really matters is being healthy and happy, being knowledgeable and intelligent as much as you can, and certainly beauty is when you try to be the best version of yourself and be nice, interesting, funny, compassionate, humane  and most importantly, not being a judgmental prick!

Words have tremendous power on us, we usually tend to underestimate, so a harmless compliment can build the concept or the value that we should be so careful designing because it doesn't change reality for us alone but it has an impact on life itself. Why we don't stop the comparisons all at once; I would like to be complemented by my own uniqueness, by my own concept and by my own kind of beauty. It is equally good to say simply you are beautiful without limiting that with a certain concept and let people define their own concept of beauty. That will enable people to live with their own concept of beauty and will allow us to see different types of beauty that we are not open enough now to see it. Beauty is a representation of not only looks but a soul and character as well, that we can't see until we neglect the current one-sided concept of beauty.

We are more than how we look!

Enslave the time

           

          A busy world and busy people accordingly no one finds time for anyone anymore, partially true but in my world, you always can find the time for whatever you want the only thing stand in your way is your willingness to do what it takes to have enough time to do everything you want.  I live by that and by far I am living by my principle, sometimes it is even funny when people start to think I am free all the time while honestly in my not so busy day probably I do more than what they do in their super busy day; what makes that possible is how I manage my time. 

Since I have been asked again and again what I do differently I decided to write this post, it might help someone or open someone's eye to really simple yet crucial habits to adapt to have better control over your time because eventually as Victor Hugo said “He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the busiest life.”

Let's start!

Stay healthy:

          My first advice might tune off a lot and sound very mainstream but the truth is; if you won’t invest enough in your health then there is no point in going through the next 7 advises, without a healthy body and mind life is chaos as simple as that and if you will not commit to your own well being you will never be able to commit fully to anything.

By staying healthy I don’t mean to be a fitness freak, just try to sleep enough and by enough I mean whatever give your body the rest it needs between 6 – 8 hours a day, for me, I need 5-6 hours of a sleep a night but it took me lots of experiments to realize that because if I sleep less than that I get tired or if I sleep even 30 mins more than that I get sleepy all day. 

Eat clean, which is a very obvious thing, but to explain I don’t mean stick to broccoli every day, just have at least 4 balanced meals that respond to your nutrient pyramid, activity level, and calories' need and don’t make a habit of snacking on coffee, energy drinks or junk food that makes your brain less responsive and your body lazy because it drives the blood flow to stomach instead of your brain. 

Exercise, the most hated word in the world but researches have shown over and over again that exercising 2- 3 times a week have a very positive impact on your brain and body and allow your body to release hormones that keep you happy and focused, no need to mention that committing to exercise help you to stay on track because you learn discipline. 

Last but not least in this point, have some rest and stay still, have some time each day to read a book, meditate, browse your favorite blog or even listen to music in your coach or watch a movie this will help your active body to regenerate and get ready for another crazy day.

Create healthy habits:

           Again very mainstream yet very important, for a lot of people especially creative people habits, mean boredom. I was myself very much in a war with the routine until recent years, I hate to do anything the same way and I am extremely rebellious toward the idea but experience taught me that having a few healthy enjoyable habits can go all the way of resolving commitment issues. I am that kind of person that loves change and enjoys the challenge so if you want to kill my soul just put me in a routine. But what I am talking about now is creating healthy habits and routines, like sleeping in the same hour each day and waking up the same hour each morning, exercise regularly  or even have a systematic structure for your days, that according to many neurological researches help your brain to create a pattern and eventually doing this routine activities without much effort which will give your brain the capacity to work on more important issues instead of working on simple everyday activities. Routine and commitment go hand in hand to achieve great results so I think it is important to use habitual routines to facilitate the work for our amazing brain a little bit.

Organize your life:

          Now we are heading to the more serious advises managing time, for me as an OCD person organizing stuff, lists and charts are like a religion to me I enjoy them and they make me feel happy and relaxed but I can guess that some people might think of them as chores, a waste of time or unnecessary activities but the truth is spending sometime organizing whatever you will be doing not only eliminate a big portion of mistakes but as well make it easier and more efficient  because when you prepare you will have to schedule and when you schedule you to prioritize and when you prioritize you assess and when you assess you analyze risks and by analyzing risks you expect challenges and accordingly you prepare a plan to resolve them .. or at least you should! Preparations allow you to stay on top of your time management game and make you more efficient personally and professionally which will have uncountable benefits to your life that you will only realize when you start practicing them.

Task Management:

           My favorite part of the process because not only it allows you to know a lot about the task in hand but also discover much about yourself and learn so much about your own capabilities, while you manage your task you are obliged to know what type of task it is and accordingly which time is better to do it. For example  for me when there is a creative work to do I need my full brain capacity and silence to be able to hear my own thoughts so I usually, do anything needs creativity very early in the morning when my brain capacity still in its peak and everybody still sleeping, simple yet needs a lot of investigation. 

Another aspect of this part is multitasking, many people suck in multitasking accordingly don’t do it even if you have to, shifting your focus and your brain from task to task waste time. Staying in the same activity until it is completed is the best thing for everyone or at least with the same set of activities that require the same level of mental and physical activity accordingly you finish faster because your brain is uninterrupted which allow it to process things faster and better. even if you are from the few who manage to multitask brilliantly better not to do it unless you have to, shifting your focus between so many things is waste of time and exhausting so avoid it as possible. 

Finally, sit your goals; you are doing this task for a reason, know that reason  very well it will allow you to better plan your timeline and prepare for the task and accordingly, sit a realistic deadline. Deadlines are important even when you don’t have them create them they allow you to finish stuff and move on, don’t ever say I will stay here until I finish this task, rather sit a specific time to finish it, let’s say after quick assessment you think it will take you 2 hours to finish the task, if it is not important give yourself full 2 hours but if it is an urgent thing then give yourself an hour and a half only to shift your brain to work harder and be prepared for anything, add to that we have to know that most of the time we spend 30 to 40% of the time doing the really important  work while 70 -60% we spend either to manage distractions or do unnecessary activities, be smart about your work and always think out of the box before you start working on anything think of what is the most important part of it and start from there, that will make your life much easier.

Efficiency

           This word can be the best word on my dictionary, I always debate that try to do things better, try again then try again until there is no possible way to do it better. Why is that? Because while trying to do things better you learn what not to do and what is the best way to do something, it teaches you a lot of lessons on efficiency and equips you for the future with better judgment and by that you become more efficient. Efficiency teaches you to use your time wisely, like when you are heading to a meeting and you know you need to be there 30 mins in advance, schedule to do something unimportant meanwhile, like replying to emails or return short phone calls that will give you more time later to focus on important tasks. Or while you are commuting to somewhere read the news or check your social media that will make you eliminate doing unnecessary stuff in necessary times. 

Another aspect of this point is connected with the previous point, learn how to do more by doing less, know what matters the most and do it first leave the least important for another time when you have a less hectic schedule, always keep your eyes on the goal and that will make you realize what is the shortest way to realize your goal, always ask yourself what is required from me to achieve this goal and that will give you the answer of how to do the task. That will as well teach you to delegate the things that less important or any other person can do, don’t be afraid to delegate let others do what you can’t or you won’t manage to do that always will take off your shoulders. Add to that never feel bad to postpone something that can be postponed, if something is not urgent and you know you can do it better tomorrow or if there is an important thing and you don’t have the focus or energy to do it, just put it aside and choose a better time to do it that will allow you to find more time for the task you have in hand and later to do a better job at the task you postponed. 

Eliminate distractions:

          Distractions are the viruses of time management, as unscheduled meeting, unnecessary conversations or daily emails; they make you feel stressed and take lots of time that you can devote to what really matters. As part of life and your time management activity, you need to learn how to expect and manage distractions. Simply learn to say no to unnecessary meetings and conversations, be polite and refer them to another person or reschedule them for a better time, keep your eyes on your priority and eliminate anything else, leave emails for times while you are on the Taxi or in the waiting room and stop checking facebook when you have a report to finish for an approaching deadline, that will allow you to finish faster and go back to your daily activities faster. 

When necessary isolate yourself, ask not to be interrupted and get your work done a lot of people function well with the absence of distractions so if you are easily distracted or a person who can’t handle distractions just get yourself alone and do your work faster and with greater focus.

Know yourself:

          If this is not obvious by now I will make it more obvious, to be able to manage anything in life you need to invest in self-knowledge, you need to know your strengths and weaknesses, you need to know your capacity and how you handle stress, all that will help you prepare and manage your time more efficiently, don’t be afraid to say I am not good at this and delegate it to someone who can do it better. I for instance have a really bad eye for systematic details accordingly I make horrible mistakes when  it comes to revising documents or similar stuff, I am not ashamed to admit that and ask other people to do, I am in the other hand fast in doing any task, so when there is something will take another person one hour to make it I think of an extra task because I know I will finish that task in 30 mins. That gives me the advantage of preparing things in advance and not starting then get surprised in the middle of it by the obstacle I might face. 

Always always ask questions to understand better, I know it is sometimes annoying or embarrassing but it is better to ask than to get stuck, for me, I hate to ask questions for some reason so I found another way to acquire knowledge, I simply research my questions, I usually know that I will have the questions while doing the task so I just go and google whatever I want to know and learn while preparing for the task, that works for me because it keeps the information fresh and in my disposal whenever I do something and that requires deep knowledge of what you can and can’t do and how to manage different situations.

Utilize Weekends:

          Last but not least, weekends are awesome and we wait for them all week, but don't ‎ make that restrict you from using 2-3 hours to finish something or do something that will make your next week start right. Usually, we waste so much time during the weekend doing nothing, use a small amount of that time to lower the workload of next week, if you can set a couple of hours on the weekend to do something important do it, you will be thankful for that next week when you have that crazy Monday where you have 24 hours to do 48 hours load of work. But be careful of how to use your weekend, don’t ever take more than a couple of hours a day because after all you need to re-energize and have some rest or even have some fun, working on weekends is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself or your time management process. The weekend is for rest so let them have their function if you will over work yourself during the weekend you will have half of your energy to do your work during the week so better to leave things for work days and enjoy your weekends and regenerate your energy, this way you go back to work with great attitude, clear mindset and rested body which will impact the results you will have during the week. 

But by saying have fun during the weekend I don’t mean to drink yourself to death or jump all over the place and exhaust yourself, even more, try to have fun but learn to have some rest too. For example, try to party on Friday so you have Saturday and Sunday to recover and never plan something too exhausting on Sunday, leave your Sunday to chill and prepare yourself for the next week, it will pay off on Monday when you wake up so energized and ready for another week.

             I know .. I know by now you think that time management is a hassle and better kept untouched but trust me when I say that, it is an effort that soon you will be grateful for and by the end of the first month you commit to this you will start to get used to it and don’t feel it as a burden, rather than an enjoyable lifestyle that you will be so proud of, no one can say life is easy, neither do time management, it is one of the hardest tasks and that’s why you see many people failing at managing their own time but when you manage to do you feel the satisfaction of doing a hard thing that not anyone is able to do. And certainly, in the long run, your skill will pay off in different aspects of your life professionally and personally. That’s why the most successful people on earth rely on their habits and time as their source for success and they admit over and over again that something like waking up early or committing to some activity got them where they are today, try to do that yourself and you will be the person harvesting the fruits of your discipline and commitment.

When I fell in love with Satan!

Satan, the devil, Lucifer whatever you will call him he is a representation of pure evil and gained a reputation of the ultimate enemy of humans. Recently I am defending him so much and use the name (Satan or Devil) to describe anyone I associate with one of his impressive characteristics.  That wasn’t always the case, I as well for so many years considered Satan as my enemy but for me the idea of him influencing my decisions didn’t seem right, because as a person who takes the full the responsibility of their actions that felt so illogical and unfair, and only then I started my journey of appreciation and respect for this imaginary character.

All Abrahamic religions consider Satan as the enemy that we don’t see yet so sure he exists somewhere, he is so powerful to convince us do things we shouldn’t do and the character challenges all type of authority when he knows he is right, he as well so damn brave to ask for the respect he thinks entitled for based on logical facts (at least based on Quran stories) for me looking at these characteristics make me respect Satan so much and stand in his side.

He is the rebel who said no to God when he felt he didn’t get the respect and appreciation he deserves, he said no to bowing for Adam because he believed that as an angel (who back then was obeying God) who was created of fire have a better position than the human who was created from mud and didn’t do anything impressive so far to gain that position; why we didn’t question that and why it was so bad to stand for himself and ask for the respect he deserves, why he should take the orders from God even when they made no sense to him and never put God’s authority into question? Isn’t that the character we appreciated so much in so many rebels and leaders in our daily life? So why when our holy books painted the same picture differently we took it without questioning and believed in it as if we were there when Satan refused to bow to Adam and offended us all!

He is the charming coach who make you reach your desires and achieve your goals, logically speaking you have the ideas already in your mind all Satan does is to make them more appealing to you and make it harder to resist going and achieving them without having a direct benefit of all this time he spent wasting on you, so technically speaking he just is the personal coach you need to achieve what you already have in mind (good or bad) so why to blame him for you poor choice instead of praising his rather impressive influencing skills!!!

He is that modest yet so confident character we all love, admit it or not; he is so sure of himself and able to influence us all, yet he rather stays in the shadow, with no appearance, no red carpet, and no publicity. He is the go do it guy and wait for no appreciation for whatever he does, to the contrary he knows after convincing, you do what you already wanted to do but was so coward to do it, you will blame him and say he was your excuse for disobeying God yet he always there for you whispering to you whenever you need extra motivation.

So many examples and so many situations I can state here to prove that Satan is not the enemy we need to hate rather a distraction for all the flaws and the weakness we have; we always in need of an excuse to rely on when things go bad and instead of taking the responsibility of our actions we blame them on the impressive character that we all wish to be!

Between two Polish cities

Since I moved to Krakow, I was and still surprised so much by the difference between Warsaw and Krakow, though both in the same country and should have the same culture but what I noticed that each city has its own characteristics that make it so different from the other to a shocking point.

Anyone knows me well, knows how much I LOVE Warsaw, not because I lived there for two years but because the moment I stepped out walking to my university during my first day in Poland I felt safe and I didn't feel as a stranger walking down the streets, I remember myself walking wearing my hijab and feeling that I liked this place to the point I want to be part of it, so when I noticed that people were staring at me feeling a little uncomfortable, I went back to my hotel and took off my hijab and went out again. That decision clarified for me from the first moment how much I like that city, and how much  I wanted to be integrated with it and feel at home and Warsaw never failed me. When I was there, for the first time in my life I was me 100% … I would say even 120% because even the things I didn't know about myself I discovered them in Warsaw, I felt for once that despite my weirdness I was accepted fully and no one cared about it, which one of my favorite characteristics about Warsaw and the worst at the same time; the feeling of not giving a f**k is very liberating and make you discover yourself fully without any fear or hesitation because you know no one will pass judgments, but that comes with the negative side as well, which is that no one really cares enough and detachment from emotions is the main theme for human interactions there, this taught me that I come first which something I needed to learn because before Warsaw I was a complete a selfless person in a very bad way which put a huge impact on my life so though I didn't like it much but I needed it at that point of my life.

Anyway, other things I enjoyed in Warsaw, that everybody is honest and blunt, most of the time they will tell you straightforward what they think even when it is quite tough and I didn't see the bad side of this habit until I moved to Krakow … then comes practicality of Warsawians, no matter how rich people there most of the time they are practical and they think of everything, which something I truly admire and respect but totally failed to learn, there I met awesome people who were the best despite their age, position or social status and I learned a lot from them and whenever I go out alone I met new people that I most of the time became friends with them and still in touch with them. Life there got a little intense and my introvert side of my character wanted to run because I was unable to have a month by myself, simply it was impossible in Warsaw to fight temptation and stay a while at home by myself so I offered a job in Krakow and I took it just to try Krakow and I was 100% that by the end of my contract; maximum, I will be back to my home and first love Warsaw …. But then Krakow happened!

I moved to Krakow in August, the city was beautiful and breathtaking beyond reality, I found the best apartment ever and I lacked nothing at all, but for the first three months, I hated Krakow so bad that I was ready to go back to Warsaw but I didn't want to be a quitter and I decided to give it a little time, and then the magic happened, though I liked Krakow quite much but I was struggling to be integrated into the life there, what I discovered later that I was suffering cultural shock … Yes it is possible to have a cultural shock moving from city to another  but I didn't even consider the option because I have great adaptation skills and even when I left my home country I didn't suffer at all and quickly got on the rhythm of polish life so how that happened?! The thing is, that when I moved from Warsaw I was not prepared for a big change, I assumed that Krakow won’t be much different but then I was shocked by the difference and I struggled much to adjust my character especially after I was completely behaving myself in Warsaw which something doesn't work in Krakow.

Beautiful Krakow though it is a touristic hub, still pretty many conservatives, I remember the first week I got here and started to make my sarcastic jokes I noticed people being a little uncomfortable, people here are quite shy and reserved and to the opposite of Warsaw, Krakowians are very indirect in their interactions, they are not much friendlier than Warsawians but they wouldn't show if they don’t like you or have some remarks regarding you they will rather to feel hurt by your attitude than to confront you with their feelings or observations, which something I really couldn't deal with at the beginning because I am very direct person and I don’t like hiding things, in the same time I will say whatever I want not to offend anyone but because I have this need to express myself clearly but I was quite often misunderstood for a very aggressive person … or a cold heart bitch :S

Another thing, though people here have less income than Warsaw, I noticed that they are less practical and they like to show what they have which is kind of my style of life, though you can find decent cheap places still you can get treated to very fancy style if you like and I am totally happy about this part. Another aspect, people here in Krakow care and when they care they show it, I had really good friends in Warsaw but most of the time they will not go out of their way to help or do anything, but in Krakow, people do care and they are pretty proud of it.

Then here I had to learn how to balance between what I have learned in Warsaw and what I am facing in Krakow, I had to tone down my straightforwardness; and I am still working on it, trying to still be the honest me but in a sweet way that might not hurt sensitive people and impressive enough I learned to care; when I was in Warsaw I enjoyed not caring too much and not giving a f**k to anything which is easier than finding the balance between care and not to care, I still struggle here because though I do care, the fact that I do care bothers me a lot, because when you care you get emotionally attached and accordingly, you start to want, need and stress as normal human beings which something for a while I stopped doing and it was a relief, it really bothers me that the people I met here could get into my emotions and feeling which is something I protected for almost 3 years untouched, though I really cared enough about certain people I never cared much to feel hurt or disappointed which something totally changed the moment I decided to adapt to Krakow lifestyle and I hope I don’t regret it.

Eventually, both Warsaw and Krakow managed to give me lessons to learn from and changed me enough to be feel attached to both of them but the move between them impacted my balance so much, which something I am grateful for, though I am still unhappy with some aspects of Krakow effect I know it is a good change, the question that leaves me confused now, that if I have to choose where to settle in the next few years which city I will choose??

I will be totally honest and say ... I have no idea at all, and here comes the time to use SWOT analysis again after investigating the data ..... So Warsawian of me :P 

Perfect Imperfection

           

            If anyone asks me to describe myself in one word, the word "WEIRDO" will be the first thing that pops up in my mind not because I enjoy the element of shock that I see in people’s face but because it is the ultimate truth about me, if I will try to describe myself precisely nothing will come out of that because I am seriously unusual human being, full of unexpected traits and contradicting characteristics; sometimes. The reason I believe is one of my core values that I committed to long time ago, I think I was in junior high school back then and while I was thinking about my difference I decided to make peace with it, enjoy it and most importantly make my weakness my own strength and uniqueness.

My identity crisis story as follows; I was very different since I was a lil kid very independent, stubborn and strong to the opposite of that I was very cheerful, diplomatic and social which was strange compo, anyways I am a thinker since I was 5 years old, I remember my questions for my dad and mom and feel sorry for them that they had to deal with me since a very early age, that continued for long years, sometimes my family liked it some time it was annoying and unacceptable, I survived with all my weirdness untacked, here come high school and all the big decision you need to make about your future and I felt totally lost and overwhelmed, I was intelligent but not the usual intelligent I wasn't excellent in one thing like science or math or art, I wasn't excellent in activities and social level and networking; I was very good at everything … I was very good at anything I focus on enough .. but the school, family even society was pushing me to be good at one thing or one field and commit to it, I tried, I experiment but I couldn't, I failed miserably in everything and in the journey for excellence, I lost my gift and in the first year of the high school I did really bad and I ended up with having no social life no activities and bad grades; my dad was so disappointed because he always told me that I could be whoever I want to be because I have my brain and it will be whatever I want it to be, for me at that time that was a very deep philosophy I failed to understand, and I debated with him that we have limited intelligence pre-determined by our genetics and our brain structure, he tried to explain to me the defect in this theory and I didn't understand back then but I totally understand what he meant now. Anyways by the end of the year, I thought about everything and I was about to decide what to do regarding my identity crisis; I was thinking that I love painting, calligraphy and being involved in other activities and organizing events in school but on the other hand I love my Arabic, English, Biology, algebra, statistics, economy, history, logic, philosophy and psychology classes I don’t want to choose between being intelligent or socially intelligent  I didn't want to choose to be a geek in one of subjects and I don’t want to have to choose and I felt completely shattered by the pressure I faced, I knew I can’t be super intelligent in one thing because I can’t give 100% to only one thing my best is to give 80% and in special cases 90% when my passion overwhelms me and for me, 80% was more than enough, if it is not enough for others it is enough for me and if anyone is not happy with that they can do whatever they want in their own life not to tell me what to choose. I made my decision and I decided to take the art section of my high school study not the science section because I know it will need 100% commitment and I wasn't ready to give that, add to that I already made up my mind what I will study in the college which not my first love (medicine) because I realized I can’t deal with peoples suffering and blood even in the sake of saving their life, I discussed my decision with my dad and he objected, after long discussions I told him I will think about it, went the next day to school and enrolled in the Art section went back home and informed my dad of my decision; my whole family were waiting for the disaster to happen when I told my dad, he was a military general and professor .. He was not used to objections or rebellious acts when he said something it is DONE but I had enough courage to challenge that, he asked me why I didn't listen to him, I simply told him because I thought of what best for me, and I value his opinion but it is me who going to live with that choice and I know that he wants me to have broader options when it comes to college but I already know what I will study so he shouldn't worry … my answer left him speechless, for the first time I saw my dad not being able to answer with a very  satisfied smile lit his face, and that was enough for me to know I gave him a reason to trust me. Of course, my older siblings thought of it as the young child luck and that I get always what I want because of my value as the spoiled last girl in the family which was far from the truth and I didn't bother to explain it to them.

I don’t like to share personal stories and old memories with complete strangers just for fun, I write to share experiences and values that I hold dear to my heart. The moral of my identity crisis story that I have learned through failure and being lost for a big part of my life that perfection is not the ultimate goal and not everybody can be perfect; actually being totally perfect in limited fields is limited itself and boring which something not everybody can handle, I am not saying here that perfection and 100% dedication is bad because this perfection and dedication is what created many marvelous things and made so many people very famous like Einstein, Bach, Newton, Beethoven …etc but not everyone can be like that not because we lack the mental ability but because we have differences and that’s the beauty of life; imagine a world full of geniuses in all types of fields … distinctions will lose its meaning and we won’t be impressed by anything anymore. But the true beauty is to accept who we are and find the uniqueness and distinction that lays underneath that, the amazing gift is how to be perfect imperfection, do things that make us happy and excel in that. I could have chosen to be great in biology and I would because I loved biology and I was really great at that subject but I would give 100% of my time to that, to be a biologist who doesn't have time to do anything outside the lab, I could have chosen to be the social genius who spends all the time talking and networking and I would rock that but I will not have the time to read in different fields and be knowledgeable as I wanted to be and that’s sad for me at least. I am happy with my choice because now I am perfect imperfection, I adore the 80% ish I get in everything, I do all I love to do without limits because my time is mine and I decide I will be great in which field this week .. this month .. this year, I design my horizons, and destinations because I have no limits to what I want to achieve or get involved with and for me that works perfectly … and guess what 80% is perfect enough in this life, sometimes even 80% is too perfect because then you will be a whole universe of possibilities and abilities with no end or limits and this is perfect for you and me and anybody who think outside the box and don’t want just to follow whatever they have been told, that is perfect for anyone who finds the courage to trust themselves and challenge whatever needs to be challenged to reach their inner peace and their ultimate contentment. 

Life is not easy and the whole world is telling us who we are, don’t allow it and be whoever you want to be, concepts like perfection, success, happiness, joy and even values are not as they seem to be or not the way we were told they are, we have to discover what these concepts mean to us; us the very unique individual each one of us is and stop listening to anything except your own inner voice that will lead you to the perfect imprecation within you where you will find your true self.

The Wish That Came True

I made a wish at the end of 2012 and out of all the wishes I made it was the one that I actually got, not by my hard work but by pure luck and was living with me in disguise!

I wished to only meet honest people with no lies or betrayal, but since I didn't believe in my own wish I didn't pay attention and looked at things differently - had my reasons but ...

During 2013 -2014 I met amazing people who was nothing but honest with me almost all the time and straightforward in the intense way that left bruises all over my soul, I didn't see that, because honestly sometimes can hurt if it is delivered in a way we are not used to .. and being around straightforward people can change your whole existence; that can make you greedy sometimes and ask for way more. I only realized this now; that I got what I wished for but I am still unsatisfied, maybe I should wished for honest, straightforward and open like a book kind of people, who have the ability to sugar coat their honesty .. but the truth is that is not going to happen. What I had so far is the best it can get, and if anything should be modified or fixed will be my attitude toward the gift I was blessed with.

During these past two years, I met people who told me exactly what they thought of me, how they felt about me, shared with me their thoughts, ideas, believes and sometimes even their dreams, I loved that but I didn’t appreciate it as it should be appreciated, I hurt some of them unintentionally, I required more and I set my expectations and expected them to meet my own standards and when they failed I considered it as dishonesty because they didn’t explain what they had in their mind, they didn’t share with me the whole story or simply because they changed their mind regarding something and instead of deceiving me they just shared half the story with me, because sometimes the rest was either personal or something they didn’t want to share with anyone and unfortunately, I didn’t see that for what it is, instead I was focused on my honesty standards that I put in front of them which blinded me from seeing things as they really are and accordingly, didn’t allow me to realize the ridiculousness of my standards that I imposed on people they cared about me enough to share a large part of their lives with me.

I am one of those who preaches about expectations and how we shouldn’t have expectations for other to fulfill and that we should accept people unconditionally without trying to changing them, and still, I fell into the expectation trap, somehow I allowed my standards to take the joy out of my life and blind me from what really matters, which is the same case that happens when we set certain expectations for others to fulfill and with the disappointment I felt I allowed all of that to cloud my mind to see thing as they are when a friend was open with me about their feeling toward me and showed their attachment to me with all honesty, I rejected it because instead of appreciating their feeling and accepting it gracefully I got annoyed and wanted to know what is going inside their mind … another time when someone shared a lot of what in their mind and invited me into their life; though they rarely do, I asked for more, when they wanted to keep something for themselves I over-thought the whole situation and interpreted the whole story in a different way and I made them feel misunderstood … another friend was honest with me beyond all my wishes and was telling me everything they thought I needed to know in a joke or a sarcastic comment, again I over-thought and translated the whole situation differently, I didn’t accept other kinds of honesty than mine, I wanted them to come and say things straightforward while they already did but in their own … another person who really liked me respected me and valued my opinions so they were approaching me all the time seeking my opinion, advise or guidance they were beyond honest with me and instead of appreciating that I looked at it as a weakness and inability to control their life and emotions; I was stupid to let my standards allow me to judge them which is something I never allowed and a line I never crossed … another person who I really liked and they liked me as well shared aspects of their life with me and were honest and genuine enough to let me know that though they like me a lot they can’t be with me because of circumstances beyond our control and instead of appreciating that I just allowed that to hunt my thoughts and destroy their reliability in my mind and I was too selfish to see things from their perspective. I can go on and on with stories where I seem like a very horrible person, while the truth I am not .. my mistake was, I allowed the illusions of perfection to blind my sight from the blessing I had, a mistake that we do all over again during our long life with different aspects and in regard to different values, my value was honesty and I wanted unlimited honesty, and my perfection tendency set up a high standard for anyone to meet, and while I thought others failed me, in reality, I didn’t only fail myself but I failed them as well. I didn’t allow them to be themselves I just wanted them to be themselves my way which is the most hurtful thing anyone can do.

Anyways, the point from these long three pages are that sometimes certain systems within ourselves set ridiculous understanding boundaries between us and the people around us, it takes different shapes, concepts, and forms though it might seem harmless and even sometimes take the form of greatness, it simply not .. If we want to be happy and appreciate the small things in life we should be open to accepting things unconditionally and don’t allow our value system to sabotage our views of others or set some restrictions that exist only in our own minds, we should never impose our own standards on others no matter how great we think they are. That is not easy, and cannot be achieved instantly but at least we can try to put ourselves in the place of the other and see things from their perspective and still, then we won’t have the whole view of what they see and then we can make an excuse for the other because they are just another human being full of flaws and contradictions and by doing that we actually give ourselves the chance to see things as simple as they are and rest our mind from moving like roller-coaster in a hopeless attempt to understand what is not understandable.

P.S. My deep apology for anyone I hurt or misunderstood while they were nothing but honest to me, my sin is over-thinking and sometimes it just makes me unable to see things for what they are .. but I am grateful for having the clarity of the heart and soul to see what I did wrong, and I am grateful for eternity for having you in my life.