The Consciousness Illusion

 

             

   

For a while now I have been concerned with how our world and values as modern humans are changing. We are way more fragile and entitled. While we think we are conscious and aware. Sometimes even worse, people are conscious but not necessarily aware, conscious but not healing, and conscious but not grounded. Modern life, technology and the recent psychedelic wave have provided us with unearned wisdom. I see many of us possess the knowledge but unable or unwilling to implement it within ourselves. Or there are those – the dangerous type - who are trying to use this social transcendence to change the world to attend to their fragility and entitlement.

True consciousness is aware, humble and resilient. It is being wise without arrogance, being gentle without weakness, and being determined without stubbornness. Real person to themselves they don’t care about labels or titles. They know what they have inside and they know that is all it matters. They have strong convictions for themselves but tolerant of the world. It is the sure-footedness that comes from having proved that we can meet life. Consciousness doesn’t advertise itself in social media, it doesn’t present itself only through meditation, psychedelic or even psychotherapy. It is a state of mind created through extensive experiences, through making mistakes and learning from them, which allows us to see inside us clearly, while a medium is just a tool.

The thing is, our modern life taught us immediate gratification. We require instant results through minimum effort, and we feel entitled to it. That doesn’t work when it comes to consciousness. No matter how old we are, we developed complicated psychological systems that took years to build up. Therefore, it is only fair to expect to spend equal time to understand them, decode them and then proceed with our consciousness journey. Similarly, we have to understand that consciousness is not the same as awareness, and awareness not the same as wisdom. To develop wisdom takes time; we start by being conscious, then aware and throughout the years of self-awareness and experiences we reach wisdom a little bit at a time. Being intelligent or smart doesn’t qualify a person to be self-aware or wise either, it could help in some cases – although usually, it complicates the process -  but it doesn’t mean it does give anyone an edge over the rest of people.

As Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Because when we are aware of what is within we can’t help but be aware of what is outside because we are part of one. Genuine self-awareness is essential because it teaches us how to be comfortable with our humanness, with our temporariness and our finiteness. If we think about it, that's exactly what is life all about. The integration of ourselves as part of the oneness of the universe, no shortcuts to that and no pretend. 

Daddy's Girl

 

                

We come to this life without a choice, we don’t choose our family, genetics nor our destiny. It feels like a lottery and that lottery have the power to influence our whole existence. Every March of every year I think of this. The last week of March is when I was born and the second week of March is when my winning lottery ticket was taken away from me. On the 12^th of March,  my friend, my role model, my hero and my backbone departed this world early by a sudden stroke. I can say it was the hardest moment of my life, seeing the strongest man I ever knew laying down on the floor motionless. When I saw the pride and glory that always defined his strong features fade; that was the moment I knew he was gone forever.

I avoided remembering that memory for years, I lived like he was still there. Imagining his voice telling me what to do and how to survive while he is away. Day by day the voice faded until eventually I was left alone completely. I had to decide either to grief or celebrate forever the memory of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Since I am my daddy’s girl I chose the celebration. I might grief the fact I had too short of a time with him but he left nothing for me but to celebrate. I am a proud daughter of a wonderful father, a great military general, a wise knowledgeable professor and the kindest & most helpful person I met. I am not saying that because he was my father, anyone who knew him will tell the same story. He was very tough, stubborn as hell but underneath that shield, he was the person you can trust his judgment and ask for help and know for a fact that if he said he will be there; he will.

He was my lottery ticket because for me every success I achieved, every battle I won because of him genetically but as well habitually. He taught me strength when my world asked me to be weak, he trusted me when I didn’t trust myself and he was there for me every time I needed him. He taught me mental and physical toughness. He showed me that knowledge and wisdom are the only way to rounded life. My dad over the years showed me how to raise my voice in a patriarchy world and develop pragmatic thinking in an arbitrary society. He wasn’t an angel for sure but he was all I needed a father to be and more. I think the only thing I can blame him for is the expectation he set for what a man should be. He was an old fashion gentleman, beautiful, strong and extremely intelligent. I grew up drawing my expectations of men watching him, which is not fair to anyone. I know he was my king because he was my dad but still the bar was set too high. I have been treated my whole life as a princess, no matter what happens I still feel the pride, bravery and entitlement of a princess!

Like every year, I am writing these words to send my gratitude to the soul of my beloved father. Usually, I try not to be ostentatious but when it comes to my father I want the world to know what a wonderful soul he was and how lucky I feel that he was my father and my role model. He is the light in my heart, the strength in my mind and the love that goes through my veins to the whole world. 

I love you beyond love itself  <3 Until I see you again.

Non-attachment Philosophy

Sometimes life seems like a continuous cycle of suffering. One heartbreak follows another, we try to see the light but the darkness prevails eventually. I can't remember how many times I have been asked "would life always suck like this?" my answer usually is "probably." I am not totally an absurdist, but I do believe our animal brain default program is suffering. We don't remember the light because it is safe but we always remember the darkness because it is a threat. Meaning that although bad and good events in life probably occur similarly, we feel and remember them differently. Our brain tends to remember bad for a longer period for survival purposes. The question is, how we can skip this? How can we see life as it is not as a continuous cycle of suffering? For me, I found my answer in Buddhism; Buddhism as a philosophy of life. I found a lot of answers that resonate with me and made me not only more rational but way more human than I have ever been.

The Buddha in his first sermon declared the four noble truths which are considered the essence of Buddhism. Why this is important? because the four noble truths address suffering. Buddha's diagnosis of suffering linked to the human attachment to permanence for a temporary life. The first three noble truths addressed the existence and cause of suffering then the cessation of suffering through the fourth noble truth of the eight-fold path. Because human nature is programmed for survival and survival thrives on the idea of permanence. Therefore, the Buddha teachings are reprogramming to our animalistic nature and reforming it to reach enlightenment, not through the religious practice of the Buddha teaching but embracing its wisdom.

Our animalistic nature that seeks permanence in everything needs to be reformed to be able to understand the philosophy beyond our physical and emotional cravings. It is methodical in its approach to suffering and seeks the underlying causes of human suffering which provides psychological depth to the argument. I don’t believe that Buddha's teaching or Buddhism is a set of instructions that guarantee a life of happiness. Rather my personal belief that Buddhism is a break from organized religions which provided salvation through the submission to a set of rules. Buddhism at its core is a life philosophy that provides guidance to achieve level minded approach to life which can get us closer to enlightenment. Therefore, my understanding of the Buddha diagnosis for suffering is not constructed set of actions to break away from suffering rather a philosophy to embrace suffering as a part of the whole life. The Buddhist value of non-attachment doesn’t seek austerity for itself, rather the discipline which comes from it and the emotional regulation associated with it. 

Many argue that Buddha might ignored the human nature that is by default built on cravings (food-sex-curiosity …etc) however, my understanding of the Buddha wisdom is not to suppress the need but eliminate the excess. And if we embrace the truth of impermanence even then we can deeply understand that impermanence as it affects the positive side of our life it affects the negative and our temporary inability to suppress the excess is just a momentary mishap if we don’t get fixated on their happening. Simply put, Buddhism doesn't ask us to be inhuman. Rather embrace our humanness, our shortcomings, our victories, our happiness, and our misery because all of it no matter how strong it is, it will pass. The only permanent truth of this life is impermanence. The moment we understand that contradiction we will find our nirvana. And by the way, nirvana is not bliss or ecstasy. The literal translation of nirvana is blowing out as "liberation" liberation from all attachments and looking at life as the passer-by we are. Peacefully observing life knowing deeply that the cycle of life continues no matter how we feel about it.

The genius about the Buddha's philosophy and the hardest part is, it is a contradiction by itself. For so many years I opposed it because I thought it was irrational, how we can ask humans to be less human. But what I finally understood that it actually asks humans to be more human. When it promotes non-attachment, it doesn't mean to not feel at all. Rather feel it with humility, and let go because when we let go we earn our liberation, our freedom from suffering, from control. To embrace bravely the impermanence, and our inability to control life.  And that is nirvana: a release for samsara.

"The very first noble truth of the Buddha points out that suffering is inevitable for human beings as long as we believe that things last—that they don't disintegrate, that they can be counted on to satisfy our hunger for security."

Science is Not an Opinion

If I am going to put a title for 2020 it would be “The Year of Ignorance”. We encountered an unprecedented rise of conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. The scientific community was severely undermined by defending its integrity against unfounded doubts! I have always had so much respect for science, and despite my spiritual and rebellious nature, I would not allow myself to doubt the scientific community without a reasonable cause. It bothers me to see the world reaching this stage of servility to please the fools and provide them with the platforms to spread ignorance. Luckily, ignorance can never defeat the truth or change the facts. And opinion will remain a mere point of view and scientific facts will remain the only truths we know until it is proved otherwise.

According to Cambridge dictionary; “Science is the careful study of the structure and behavior of the physical world, by watching, measuring, experimenting, and the development of theories to describe the results of these activities” in a process called “the scientific method”. While Science aims to falsification; opinions on the other hand aim to confirmation. This means that a test can show a scientific claim to be false, but no conceivable test could show an opinion to be false. Science is testable, opinions not really. Another important difference is that scientific claims are regularly evaluated by the scientific community which is a process designed to assess the validity, quality, and originality of the scientific work. Its ultimate purpose is to maintain the integrity of science by filtering out invalid or poor quality work. However, opinions are a personal judgment formed not necessarily based on facts nor evidence.

Understanding the difference between those two is crucial to elevate the discussion in a modern world where everyone is “entitled to their opinion”. Many discussions around conspiracy theories and pseudoscience these days cannot differentiate between scientific facts, scientific hypotheses, and opinions. Since the whole scientific process is built on trial and failure, and usually the scientific method made up of mistakes because that’s the only way to truth. These trial, failures, and mistakes are used by the simple minds to refute science, not understanding how actually science work.  It is fair to say that science is a very complicated topic and trying to simplify it does more harm than good. Scientists many times cannot comprehend science from different fields which completely rational and understandable. We don’t expect a neurosurgeon to be able to perform a cardiovascular surgery, and certainly, we do not accept the opinion of a regular Joe on a medical procedure. The same goes with all other fields of science; reading scientific papers and news does not give anyone enough knowledge to unfoundedly doubt the scientific community no matter how intelligent the person might be.

Usually I am a strong supporter of the individual liberty to debate and question everything, however, we should have a common understanding of what is reasonable to debate and what is not. I have always encouraged polymathic abilities but that doesn’t go against our need as a civilization for specialization. Specialization gives us an in-depth understanding of the world and allows us to advance rapidly. We can always debate, question, and discuss our ideas and doubts but the final opinion always belongs to the scientists/specialists no matter how we feel about it. Those specialists/scientists spent their whole lives cautiously and carefully studying, researching, and conducting experiments which took a lot of knowledge and experience. If a person finds themselves eager to debunk a fact they should possess equivalent knowledge and experience otherwise it is just foolishness. Sciences and the scientific method evolved during so many years through a slow process, and still evolving as long as we live. The moment we comprehend that is the moment we can have an intelligent discussion about science and the world.

“The real purpose of the scientific method is to make sure Nature hasn't misled you into thinking you know something you don't actually know. There's not a scientist alive who hasn't suffered from that one so much that he's not instinctively on guard. That's the main reason why so much scientific information sounds so dull and so cautious. If you get careless or go romanticizing scientific information, give it a flourish here and there, Nature will soon make a complete fool out of you. It does it often enough anyway even when you don't give it opportunities. One must be extremely careful and rigidly logical when dealing with Nature: one logical slip and an entire scientific edifice comes tumbling down. One false deduction about the science and you can get hung up indefinitely”. Robert M. Pirsig

Wisdom

 

There was a time, where I believed cynical was cool, I thought expecting the worse was smart and realistic. I went on in my life thinking simple is naïve, and you have to be somehow bitter to be able to meet life. I lived my life, went through hard times believing deep down that this suffering is what will make me a better, wiser, and smarter person. In some way it did, but as well it broke me into hundreds of pieces scattered everywhere. It took a lifetime to see through that and will take another lifetime to put it all back.

I said it before, we are living in a time of pretend. We are living in an era of fear of emotions – fear of faith - afraid of going deeper than the surface. We believe that intelligence is the only thing that got us here. Ignoring so many aspects of life that don’t fit in our perception of how life should look like. We got too arrogant with all this technology, rules, and advancement we reached, and sincerely we forgot completely where we came from.

The truth is, we forgot that despite the complexity of our lives and choices; life itself still pretty simple. We created these complex philosophies, ideologies, and structures attempting to understand our existence and within that chaos, we got lost. We started to see life through the chaos, complexity, and even misery we created. But that is not necessarily how life should be. Life is a projection of our desires and wants. Life is a field of energy that starts and ends with us, we can use it as we wish. The question is, can we take full responsibility for our lives and choices? 

Without long philosophical conversations: Life is magic, and the inability to see that magic is just ignorance on our part. Realism is a failed attempt to understand life. Cynicism is the lack of wisdom to understand the simplicity of life that lays before us. And bitterness is the response to our feeling of incompetence. Intelligence is beneficial to help us discover life, however, intelligence is not wisdom. Wisdom is that wonderful equanimity acquired through experiences. It is the ability to see through all complexities in humble dexterity. 

 

Projecting Pain

         "She met him on Tinder, they developed an instant rapport, had interesting conversations, and finally agreed to meet for a date at 5:00 p.m. on Wednesday. On Wednesday She finished work earlier so she decided to take a book and go to the coffee shop half an hour earlier. At 4:30 she ordered her coffee and went to her table and started to read. at 4:50 p.m. she started to check her watch, then at 5:00, she looked around and no one was there yet. 5:10 nobody showed up still, but she waited. by 5:30 she was out of patience, then 5:45 she grew angry. Finally, at 5:50 the guy showed up with a smile on his face and apologized for being late before he could explain the reason for such a delay the lady was so angry that she stood up told him angrily that he didn't respect her or her time and stormed out of the coffee shop feeling angry and frustrated with this situation." If I ask someone to assess this situation, most people will say that the lady didn't do anything wrong. She was on time and waited for the guy who was almost an hour late. She had "the right to be upset" but people might disagree with the way she left the coffee shop. Similar situations happen to us daily, we don’t question our emotions, nor their triggers. We go with the motion of right and wrong not taking into consideration the complex psychological nature of our reactions and how they are made.

Going back to the story we can ask the question of why the lady was upset despite the fact that she had free time, she even had a book and went earlier to the coffee shop. Her answer was she felt disrespected. I follow with the question: why someone's time management skills could indicate their respect for us or the lack of it?? Usually, the answer comes in the context of “ because I feel…” and that the truth of it. Because we feel disrespected and that comes from us, not the other person. Most probably the truth is that the lady projected her feeling on to the guy, because of a deep-rooted old wound from her past where she felt unimportant to her parents or fought for their attention; she had this programmed in her decision making and reactions and she found the logical explanation to justify her reaction as appropriate and blamed the guy for her anger. If this old wound created an illusion of value (time = respect or love) this lady might be locked in a series of disappointments because she keeps assessing her value to others by time and she might feel like others are disappointing her and letting her down constantly while she is involved in self-inflicted pain and unable to take personal accountability of her own emotions.

I chose this story to start my post to explain how small reactions we find logical and might be doing every day is the key to our suffering. Namely this time the art of Psychological Projection. Lately, I had an extraordinary experience that revealed to me my own self-deception and I started to think about others and their techniques of self-deception. In the past, I mastered the art of projection but after my CBT I got better, yes I developed since then advanced self-deception techniques but I am at least aware when I am projecting and how to deal with it. The best thing about exploring projections is the fact the more you dive into it, the more you can heal old hidden wounds or adjust unhealthy values. Projection happens when we blame others or life itself for how we feel. Projection is saying we feel this way because he/she made us feel this way without questioning the root of our feelings. Projection is avoidance, we don’t want to be accountable for how we feel and we have a reason to avoid that. Deep down this feeling, there is a wound and in the core of this wound, there is a fear that we think we are unable to face.  Therefore, we avoid at any cost to go there, we live at the surface where we have a logical explanation for everything. But beyond logic lies the truth.

Why is one of the most powerful words. Why opens the door to everything, it enables us to question the foundation of our existence and foundation of everything. I have learned to ask myself “but why?” whenever I do something, whenever I feel something, whenever I want something I ask myself “BUT WHY?” and I keep going until I reach the core of everything.

Statement: I love cooking.

-        Why do I really love cooking?

Because I enjoy making food.

-        Why do I enjoy making food?

Because I like to share it with people I love.

-        Why do I like to share it with people I love?

Because it shows how much I care. It is the way I like to nurture others and care for them.

With this simple dialog with myself, I transformed a simple statement to a deep psychological exploration that revealed more than just a hobby. I love cooking because I grew up at home where love is shown by how much we do for each other. That’s why for me what I do for you is how I say I love. When I was a little I was sick and I wasn’t eating much, therefore, whenever I say I want certain food my mom will go at 3:00 am to the kitchen and defrost the meat and cook and at that moment I felt the most loved which created part of the foundation for my expression of love. The exercise of WHY? Can be used to dig into everything. It allows us to transform our projection to healing. So let’s go back to the story of lady punctual and try to transform projection.

Part 1: Acknowledging the emotion behind the reaction:

The statement “ I am angry because he was late”

-        Why I am angry he was late, I could have continued reading the book/I could have left after a certain time and rescheduled/ I could have started a conversation with the girl on the next table ..etc

Because I felt disrespected.

-        Why did I feel disrespected?

Because when someone doesn’t come on time it means they don’t care about you

Part 2: Living back the memories:  

-        Why do I feel that time is an indicator of care or respect?

Because I grow up in an environment where when I showed up late for lunch my mom would tell me that I didn’t care about her and disrespected the family OR I grew up in a family where my father spent  all his time at work to provide for us and when I asked him to play with me he would tell me that all that he does is for us to have a good life.

I didn’t like that and I felt terrorized/neglected but I knew that they cared for me and that time they spent away was for us.

Part 3: Personal accountability:

I know that the guy triggered an emotion that was hidden inside of me. I should call him back and apologize for storming out and propose another time to meet.

Although the experience wasn’t pleasant but it allowed me to see beyond my reactions and emotions. (Taking responsibility for my feelings and reactions. Build a strong differentiation  between projection and justified reaction)

Part 4: Embracing the change:

Next time I feel angry I should ask myself why. Am I really under time pressure? or Am I feeling uncomfortable for some hidden reason? Am I overreacting? Do I have anything else to do meanwhile?  How I make this easier for me? Maybe I shouldn’t go early to appointments so I don’ grow frustrated ….etc (building strategy to face this situation and defuse the triggers).

Projection is a mechanism of denial, it is a tool to avoid personal accountability. Projection is a programmed defense mechanism that protects us from fears that are deeply rooted in the darkest part of our psyche. Projection paints our lives in confusion, let us run with hopeless illusions and be imprisoned by vicious cycles of habitual self-deception and destruction. The only way out is by extreme honesty and taking responsibility for our own life. 

As Carl Jung said: "The most dangerous psychological mistake is the projection of the shadow on to others: this is the root of almost all conflicts" 

An Experiment called "Life"

“Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it? Do you realize you've lived nearly half the time you have to live already?”

At some period of my life, I adopted stoicism. I was in a lot of pain. Stoicism philosophy helped me to be mentally tough, resilient, and content. I managed to go through hurricanes and battles and come out of them with minimum damage. Stoicism in so many ways similar to my pragmatism. It is just seeing the world as it is and deals with it accordingly through 4 virtues: Courage, Temperance, Justice, and Wisdom. It is summarized in the statement by Epictetus:

“For it is within you, that both your destruction and deliverance lie…..The judgment seat and a prison is each a place, the one high, the other low; but the attitude of your will can be kept the same, if you want to keep it the same, in either place.”

Stoicism believed that a fundamental key to reducing suffering and living a content life is to make a clear distinction between that which controllable and uncontrollable. To understand this distinction we can focus our energy and time on what we can influence and come to accept what we cannot. All great so far, but actually what made me abandon my stoic approach to life is that Stoicism promotes tuning down emotions.  Not getting too high.  Not getting too low.  It encourages disengaging from the exterior world because getting too caught up in things will always disappoint.  This is could be a safe approach to life, will make you content but from my personal perspective, you will never taste true happiness. The intensity of life makes us feel alive – makes me personally feel alive – and I wouldn’t give up that ever to live mediocre contentment.  Having big dreams even if they fail, getting attached to people, to concepts and to things even when we know we will lose them all at a moment is what is this life is all about. That taught me although the mysticism approach is safe yet weak because simply humans get used to anything after a while of practice, no big deal there. The real challenge for me is to stay conscious right in the middle of it all. It ain’t easy and that’s why I like it. I want to feel disappointed and hurt because these are the feelings that enable me to appreciate when I am truly happy and accomplished. But the trick is to know WHEN to disengage, HOW to tune down your attachment to anything, and BELIEVE deeply in reality as it is and genuinely embracing it. That for me was the true practice for the stoic virtues. Therefore, I created my own philosophy from everything that made sense to me and made me truly myself.

Stoicism was great because it supported my view on vulnerability. I didn’t want ever to feel or show myself vulnerable so I toughened up and didn’t allow myself to show who I truly was. I wasn’t comfortable showing that not because I was scared of judgment but because I didn’t want to remember that side of me or acknowledge it. It was easier, much much easier to behave as I never cared because to care is to feel and I didn’t want to feel. I kept a safe distance from everyone, even from myself and that was that for many years. At some point, I felt numb. I was always content and in peace. I don’t get angry but I don’t get excited either. I was not getting sad but not thrilled as well. I was observing the world through a bulletproof glass wall that made me safe through the battles I endured but taking away my real life and I decided to change that.

It was difficult, still very difficult not to run away and hide behind my glass wall. It is a challenge for me to recognize the moment when I am acting on my past trauma but I am more mindful than I ever been. I know I have an avoidance attachment style and I recognize when it is activated. I use the secure attachment part of my character to tell me what to do and how to react toward people and situations personally and professionally. That challenge keeps me motivated because I know I am challenging myself, challenging my background, and most importantly living my life to the fullest, no regrets. Believe it or not, living this way made it easier to accept reality, to move on when necessary and surprisingly enough even to have better compassion toward others. Being true to yourself is like being tidy. It requires effort and routine but very rewarding long term. Besides the aesthetic part of it, it’s functional. You know where is everything you are looking for because everything is organized in the same place all the time. So it is easier to recognize. Same with the psyche, if you are true to yourself, do things as you feel them, you are not ashamed of admitting the reason behind them and keep enough distance from your ego, you are keeping your mind and soul tidy. However, we can’t kill our ego and the sense of “I” so reality sometimes hurts, but you get used to the feeling because you know for a fact that life is a rollercoaster; once you are up, once you are down and each leads to the other.

Life is about taking risks and learning lessons. I would rather live one life to the fullest than a thousand lives safely. Wisdom created through hardship and there is nothing more beautiful to me than having enough wisdom to recognize life, people, and the situations as they truly are and accept that with a heart full of gratitude and appreciation.

As I started with Ernest Hemingway, I will end it with him:

“I did not care what it was all about. All I wanted to know was how to live in it. Maybe if you found out how to live in it you learned from that what it was all about.”

 

 

Translation: Those with volatile friendliness cannot be trusted, who expose secrets cannot be trustworthy, the ungrateful cannot be reliable, who keep breaking your motivation cannot be dependable, whoever comes to you only in their free time cannot be genuine.  If you wouldn’t be careful of all the above, you cannot be trusted for yourself.

Arabs for so many centuries known for their skills in reading body language and high emotional intelligence. Arabs were traders, their well-being and the thriving of their business depended on their ability to communicate effectively and understand the others instantaneously, and so they did for so many decades. That’s why I started with the Arabic statement. I am somehow proud of the Arab part of me, as much as it caused me so much hardship in my life, but it has given me an incredible opportunity for growth and see the world from a very unique position. Generally speaking; Arabs are emotionally intelligent, they have an activated intuition and in most cases can read a person very well. The down side of that they are very expressive and emotional, shortsighted and can be easily manipulated. They are present at the moment which make them tuned to the moment but might be a blind for the future. I took that, nurtured it, but thankfully had the upbringing to be pragmatic and think long-term thanks to my amazing father. All of that made me who I am today; a mixture of grounded crazy yet weird person.

Call it a curse, call it a bless. I am not so sure how to describe it but that’s me. I do feel everything, I can read almost everyone and I am rarely wrong. I know what is rational yet my sympathy can change my perspective. Spo usually I know what needs to be done but sometime I don’t