Less is More!

“Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard."                                                                  Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice

         I was always driven by knowledge, mostly the mysteries of mind; my mind. I was so conscious since early age about my mind, life and the choices I make and I always had to ask “why” to everything thing I encounter. I grew up and my thirst for analysis grew with me. I drive myself crazy all the time, I upset a lot of people and I even lose some people over this uncontrollable behavior but I never is able to stop. I am better at controlling it but still my desire to understand everything and making sense of it never ends, like any obsession. 

Lately, I was wondering why although I have fucked up big time in my life I find myself able to put my fuck ups behind me and move forward. I always was confused by my ability to get over situations and at the same time making decisions in ease. Although with my history, anyone else will have doubts making decisions or choosing anything I never had that. This has made me think over and over again, and question my decision-making skills and analyze it to the smallest bits and it was a quite fascinating journey!

I have always hated having too many options, for example, I never go to shops like T.J. MAXX or Target, although I am totally fascinated by the many options there, it literally makes me sick to spend more than 1 hour in this kind of stores. I just seem unable to focus or choose anything, even though most of my friends enjoy the trips to such stores. Don’t get me wrong, I am a shopcoholic and I love going shopping all the time but at the same time I hate hesitation, I hate wasting time and mostly I hate feeling lost. And being in such a situation, even as silly as choosing a shoe or a bag can really make me just leave. That didn’t make lots of sense to me at first until I finished reading paradox of choice, then the puzzle unfolded and I saw how does that affected my decision-making process my whole life and helped me to be the person I am.

It is not only about shopping, but it is also the way I lived my life and still do. It is the way I made a decision about education, relationships, friendships, career and so many other decisions I had to deal with and although I made many mistakes I rarely had any real regrets and felt remorse about any major decision I made even if it was a failure. I was always able to see things clearly and never doubt my decision. Honestly speaking, for many times I thought I might be stupid for feeling that way or thought that I have mental issue to never feel as most of people feel but the truth was that I was just fine, I was different but it was good different.

What I came to understand that I am usually easy to satisfy kind of person, not because I don’t have many desires but rather I eliminate unnecessarily desires by default. By now I know unconsciously what I like and dislike, what I can tolerate and not and what can make me happy or sad and accordingly I eliminate things before they even cross my mind so I don’t get caught in the illusion of having many options and get lost with the assumptions of losing these options. I do what I do with shopping, I just don’t go to the place I know where I feel hesitant, lost or waste too much time. "What if" never was something I stress about, for me, it is just a door to hell; never liked it, never used it and wasn’t ever able to understand the logic behind it. despite the fact many of these what-ifs would change my life for sure if I took the chance but I never think about them because at the time I had to make a decision they were only illusions. My logic is if something isn’t at least 50% viable then it isn’t an option, just illusion especially in the moment of making a decision. I have 3 questions to ask myself before I make any decision making: 1. What is may viable options? 2. Which one seems more logical to me now? 3. Which I will regret the least? Usually, the option I chose should match for Q2 and Q3 because if it seems the most logical thing I can do now I shouldn’t regret it later. This way I eliminate any other unviable options that I might feel like can pass because a real option is more than an idea or a thought it is a logical choice that should make us satisfied while making a decision.

However, day by day, more and more I started to feel more than ever that I find myself unable to make a decision in ease as it was let’s say 5 years ago and I was kind of lost why this is happening. The feeling of missing on something, others suggestions on the possibility out there blinded my intuition and made me for a while get lost of my old path. The last couple of years I got caught with the what-ifs, and they seemed real to me because I made them real in my head but the truth was and is; I didn’t have much of choice. Yeah, we should believe in ourselves, have big ambition, and reach for the stars but the end question are: Would these options lead to a choice or would we run from a choice to another? Of course, we can like the journey of discovering choices for a while, but a fact of the human nature that we don’t regret the things we did as much we regret the things we didn’t do and hovering between choices without actually making a decision might give us the illusion that we are doing something (exploring the options) but it is just another way to avoid make a decision.

The problem of today’s life that the majority of people are getting caught in this cycle, most the people don’t want to make decisions; not related to their career, not to their relationships, not to their basic life choices. People are getting delusional about the options they have and that blind them of what they really need. Having an option doesn’t mean necessarily that you really need it or even want it. Everybody following trends and building up their life according to everybody else but themselves, by looking at what others do, which gives more and more options that are maybe viable for others but not us and we mistake them for our own because they are trendy and popular by everybody else. The whole idea of having many options in modern life is to serve individuality but eventually, it demolished it and made the majority of people lost, confused and unable to make decisions in their life because they can choose anything! While the truth is, our choices are limited because they have to pass a viability test, they are not just ideas but decisions we will live with to the rest of our lives and if we will avoid these decisions there will be a time where we will regret not making these decisions. Leaving the door open for more options most of the case (especially when you already made a suitable choice) can open door to hell, you start questioning; what if? And that undermines your choice and make it feel less satisfying even if it is the right one, eventually illusions always more attractive than reality!

I have always understood that unconsciously, but reading paradox of choice made me aware of the whole issue here, which allows me not to fall into this cycle again. Of course, once in a while, I do but I try my best not to, especially whenever it matters the most for me. I try to base my decision on viable options and exclude any illusions that might look so attractive. I know myself well enough to know what actually works the best for me and what will make me happy. It is always hard at first; with everything out there you feel like missing on something but we need to learn to trust our intuition. It is there to help us make the right choice and warn us about what might feel wrong. The more we trust it, the more we get better at it. Eventually, it is our brain's way to help us based on previous experiences and stored data that we don’t have direct access to it. Making a choice is not the end, you always can go back if it wasn’t the right one but at least you tried. On the other hand, occupying yourself with too many options will always make you lost and eventually, you won’t know if any would work for you.

Take a leap of faith, make that career choice you were always thinking of even if it meant to risk a bit. If it is viable, logical and make you happy do it, no regrets, only experience. Don’t hang on to so many people because you are afraid of being lonely, or think that person you are with will leave or you hope you might find someone better. Love someone suitable (if they are worth it) give them your all don’t get distracted by what-ifs and see how it will work. Make a decision to go somewhere, do something or change something without listening to what others think of it. Listen to your inner voice and do what you feel right for you, ONLY YOU. Don’t be afraid of mistakes, making them is what life is all about even if it hurt or seemed too risky. We are not here to be safe, we are here to live life and make it worth the breath we take.

            Eventually, having too many options is worse than having two, for example, we might not be aware of that consciously but a closer look at our life choices can direct us to the right answer. when you are faced with (this or that) you are more likely to make a decision but when you have (this, that, that and that) it is more difficult to take a decision and usually, you won't be even aware of your avoidance issue. I have witnessed that hundreds of times and was so amazed how people are unable to make decisions but after a closer look, I discovered they are not aware of that. They so occupied trying options that they forgot the main thing is to choose one. Many might disagree with this because they are enjoying what they are doing now but the reality is; the regrets will come sooner than later and by then it will be too late. The career choice might be lost, the person you had is gone, the choice you had to take disappeared, and the opportunity that was present at that time killed by fear and hesitation. Living with mistakes give you stories while living with regrets only give you bitterness. Check your past and you will make sure of this!  

Recommended reading to survive modern life :) :P

1. Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman

2. The paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz

3. The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

4. Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

On Human Nature - The good, the bad and the crazy

          The other day I was having a coffee with a friend when he said that he believes people are good but with all happening around us make him doubt it though he believes deep down "we are good". This has been the question I have always been asking myself, a question I failed to answer without extending my thoughts to the whole idea of our existence, morals and self-interest. Questions raised during my whole life and I was unable to answer them until recently.

           I am sure anyone reading this has asked themselves that question many times during their lives and most probably they were unable to find a definite answer that describes humans as collective groups and give a general concept of what we really are. You shouldn’t feel bad about not finding the answer. Philosophers and thinkers have always discussed the human nature and the natural law; Plato, Aristotle, Micaville down to Hobbes and locke and no one was able to achieve a consensus on the subject, so why should you bother!

       The truth I bother, and I can die in my search for answers. I have always been that way, sometimes I felt like losing my mind in a literal sense not metaphoric in any way but I couldn’t stop and I didn’t. and I can say years of reading philosophy, psychology and neurology add to that experiences and observation gave me a personal understanding of the human nature that adds more mystery and vagueness to the whole concept but for me it is a step closer, it is better than to accept what John Locke believed or agree with Tomas Hobbes thoughts. Eventually, they might be right but for themselves not necessarily for others.

          I think no one was able to achieve consensus regarding human nature because there isn’t one. There is no such mold that we can describe as “this is the human nature” I think human nature is unique as a fingerprint or as humans themselves, no matter how many patterns we share or features we have in common, our true nature still fluid, can be shaped and reshaped differently as much as we are willing to and as much as how our environment shaped us. Social structures may have always tried to manipulate our human nature and shape it into what is common by creating norms and trends that might make ordinary people think what they have known and experience is the true rightful human nature, which is somehow correct but not completely. It is right because it is what they chose to believe but something totally the opposite can be what other people is believing the true rightful human nature.

          The one reality here is that we are born blank, like a white paper, there is no good and no bad, there is only our belief of good and bad that is completely influenced by our background, soundings, and society around us. It is shaped by what we are exposed to and what we absorb depending on our abilities and circumstances. Nothing more nothing less, but we are unable to understand this or accept it because it makes us feel out of control. Maybe what is scarier is to admit that we have nothing in common as humans except for what we created and believed.

          For so many, this might sound very incoherent, not understandable or worse complete madness. And who am I to judge J I think the problem is that we are slaves for our social and political norms which help controlling the masses and create the civilizations we have created because honestly not everyone is privileged enough to investigate such ideas, not every person has the capacity to understand this or even more importantly utilize it. It is way easier to believe that we are pre-molded to good or bad than to discover the true you, to dive so deep in the caves of your existence to know what kind of human you are, challenge the norms if they don’t fit you and accept the difference in others. It is way simpler to think there is some truth in concepts, than to get lost, and it is way more comforting to think that things do exist for a reason because honestly speaking I don’t think there are many people who can handle the idea of “no purpose” in this life. It is freeing to know that concepts are just illusions but it can be so damn maddening for some people, they will go crazy if they thought there is no purpose for their lives or that our whole existence is just an explained empty space; that so simple to understand yet so complicated to comprehend. It is so fascinating to know that we are NOTHING, yet so crazy. For me, it is fascinating because it opens unknown doors and give us freedom and more options to explore not only ourselves but the whole universe but for another person, it is crazy to understand that we are literally, nothing, our concepts, values, and ideologies are just illusions of what we were somehow designed to adapt and accept because that shatters what they know and put them in the dark, and let’s face it, the majority of people hate the darkness!

          I think the best way to describe my idea is using the atoms as an example, although it is made of 99.9% of empty space but still, we know it is there and it still forms and shapes our whole universe and existence, the same with human nature, although it is not molded in any shape or measured by any concepts it is still there making us who we are; as great as the atom limitless but as well misunderstood. We develop hypothesis and theories in attempts to understand but we won’t, at least not fully. It is so different and changeable that every time you look we will see it differently, affected by so many things that we are still can’t fully comprehend.

          Is that an easy idea to live with, of course not, such thoughts can make your head spins in circles. Acknowledging that you are nothing can be both freeing and terrifying idea, mainly depends on your character. You can see yourself as limitless nothing and be whatever you want to be or you can be whining nothing and cry that your whole life was a lie and struggle to find who you truly are.  From the other hand, I personally believe not all people are psychologically or mentally capable of accepting such harsh reality, after all for centuries we have been building these ideas and concepts that all became the only truth some people know and that serves other people to keep the current structure of the world and humans as collective groups and so far I don’t think we are ready for such drastic change. Imagine a person who has been fed on hate and intolerance for their whole life, believing that killing is not bad nor good? That’s a nightmare no one would like to even imagine and that example why the world is yet not ready now for the freedom of not molding human nature into concepts, ideologies, and morals.

          To sum up, although crazy ideas can’t come to an end. My belief of the human nature, our existence, and morals is simple, we don’t have any, we struggle to create a common sense of what it might be but it is all just illusions we believed in and they are just as real as we want them to be, there is no good nor bad in this life. What is good is what we came to believe is good for us and our surrounding and what is bad what we have usually told is bad for us and our surroundings. Is that the best way to live, maybe for some but in general sense it is not because we have way more potentials than what we have been told to have, and we are cuffed by what is the best for the collective groups not what best for us, and guess what? What is best for the collective groups is to stay ignorant and tied by some ideas someone in the seventeenth century believed to be right because it serves the elite to stay where they are as long as possible. Some will argue that is working for us in general sense. I won’t disagree with that but the truth is, that it is working because we created a the whole system that established on the current ideas of human nature, morals, structures … etc and we are unable within these circumstances to see beyond that or proof otherwise and any drastic change in this understanding will create disaster because we still not ready for that sort of change that gives humans that kind of freedom and I am not sure we will ever be ready for that kind of freedom!

The Agony of Choosing New You

           

           They say knowledge is power and ignorance is the enemy but what you do not learn earlier is how knowledge will change your whole existence. No one can predict your transformation and no one will be able to tell you how you can survive and live with all the knowledge you acquired and changed your life, values and sometimes even your whole existence. Certainly no one, not even yourself can tell how to deal with the aftermath of destroying your old everything and build new you!

I am not sure anymore if this is an Arab Muslim problem or just human being problem, but there is a struggle anyway. When you always strive for knowledge and enlightenment, when you are open to a new perspective of life, and eventually you are not afraid to absorb new ideas and values or even be flexible and tolerant enough to live in continuous discovery. There comes the point when all of this makes you feel like an outsider, no matter where you go no one can understand you fully. Some people will understand some parts and disagree with other parts, some people will not understand you at all but will embrace your weirdness anyway, and others who usually are the closest group to you (family, friends and loved ones) who knew you more or less your whole life and were the foundation for your character, attitude and thinking and those will usually reject changes in you because it is simply an alien to them.

Rejection is not that bad especially when you already know your ground, and when you reach a certain level of confidence toward your beliefs, rejection helps to shake doubts and examining the certainty of our new value system and make us critically thinking if it is worth the struggle. Sometimes we win sometimes we lose and through that we know what we did wrong and fix it, or learn from it. But what is ugly about rejection when it is conclusive and total, when you lose hope of changing the minds of the most important people in your life because basically accepting your new you challenge their unquestioned value system, it shakes their existence, and your presence in their lives become a continuous struggle because they will always try to convert you from your new ideas and values to validate their own and here comes the moment of choice.

You reached a point where you made peace with yourself and others but at the same time with this peace comes the desire to keep it, finally after years and years of questioning and struggling to discover things, you reached the place where you know you cannot know everything and you are fine with it, you still want to acquire new knowledge but it not an obsession or a fight anymore. It is more of a smooth transition from arrogance and vanity to humbleness and modesty that needs to be uninterrupted nor competed and therefore you have to make the choice of keeping some people outside of your new you, no matter how close they are to you it is agony to make them accept you as you are or even slightly understand where you come from because they will always think that they know better.

Critical thinking, reading, and analysis always been part of me, and I am grateful that I was lucky enough to learn how to question myself, doubt my values and examine my thoughts but I honestly did not expect the burden that came with it, I am still not sure if that was influenced by my background as an Arab of Muslim origins or is it the case with the way I chose for my life and the methods I followed, and I guess I will never know because I will never be able to imagine life from a different perspective, I will always be the Arab girl who rebelled against everything including herself and when the time comes where I have to choose, I always will choose my revolution because it is everything and to lose it and give it up, it means to lose myself!   

Talking "no possession" in material world

One of my problems in today’s life is the lack of balance in everything, the constant urge to belong to one of the extremes just to feel different, unique and have a stand in life, living ostensibly by the poplar trends without much thought on the relevance of these trends to our true nature which creates way too much fanaticism.

One of my extreme torments that stems from this ideology, is my deep belief on "no possession philosophy" in such material world, which really torn me for long years to two persons; one enjoy every bit of materialism and want to possess whatever desires and the other wants to own as little as needs to enjoy life and have a suitable enjoyable life; no more no less than that. But how to find the middle ground to this in a world infected with ownership and possession frenzy.

Maybe my biggest problem with the world is not the desire to possess or own material objects - it is a problem but not the biggest so far - but my deepest fear is that the frenzy expanded to include our desire to possess and own living objects like animals, and even humans, and honestly the latter is the most catastrophic form of ownership and possession obsession, we created systems and processes to normalize that and even legitimize it making it the norm of our human interactions.

If we look objectively to almost all human relationships we can find it is governed by some form of either possession, ownership or both. A good and very early example for that is our relationship with our parents, when we are born we are registered to belong to our parents and they literally possess legal rights to us until we are “adult enough” to handle our OWN BEING.

Another marvelous example is marriage; it does simply turn two loving human being to property that belongs to one another, not giving ownership right (marriage agreement) to each other alone but supported by social norms creating the worst of all possession cages, where couple under the ownership agreement feel entitled to invade the darkest corner of the other person individuality ripping it off to pieces in claims of “sharing” and “building life together”.

A different type of involuntarily ownership agreement is citizenship; you are born in a country you didn’t choose and given the passport that proves that you belong to there even if you don’t really BELONG to there or anywhere in matter of fact, giving your government the right to make laws and force you by them to do things, anything that was decided by other people who lived in different time, had different background and don’t have a clue about YOU as unique entity.

I can keep listing hundreds of these possession and ownership agreements that were imposed on us and normalized under so many different names and concepts, I can criticize lots of our despicable social norms but that’s not the point of this whole thinking process. My main purpose is to question and find the answers; at least my answers.

Why we can’t have a functional human interaction with whoever surround us without any desire to impose our beliefs or values on them? Why we can’t love our children without stamping them the moment they are born with our religion, identity and values, make them feel bad for having their own self, their own being.

Why we allow organized institutions to tell us how love should look like, or how our human interactions should be? Why we go with the flow even when we don’t feel like it just to feel part of something?

And why we don’t question anything these institutions impose on us, why we don’t think for ourselves and create what is suitable for us as “unique entity” and an extraordinary universe. Why we don’t rebel against the order, against the rules and against everything that doesn’t live in peace with our distinctive being?

And most importantly, why we feel the need to own anything or anyone to feel safe? Life is temporary and feelings are not permanent; so I wonder why we waste our whole lives to feel empty again and again, to surrender to values and concepts proved over and over again that they are flawed creating an ugly life, and ugly humans and sabotaged world!

The labels Syndrome

If there is anything in this life I really don’t care about much will be labels and ideologies; I have extreme allergic reaction toward anything comes with a certain hypothesis that limit human thinking to what is stated between parenthesis. Maybe it is a psychological complex from my side, or it might be just natural behavior for the type mindset I have; I  just HATE anything put different people in one mold and try to fit them there with all their differences and uniqueness and ask them to believe that about themselves and apply the self-fulfilling prophecy whether they wanted that or not.

I don’t target here only negative labels; for me all labels are negative and they are meant to place huge mental and psychological locks on our freedom in a very smart intellectual way and diminish the individual in all of us with all our uniqueness, special traits and characteristics. It targets the initial belonging need in all human beings and asks them to stick to where they mostly fit; taking away or ignoring the other parts where they are completely different and they don’t fit at all. Whether that label was positive or negative it gives us an illusion of who we are, creating delusional societies where people either think they are worse than they really are or better than they really are, ignoring the fact that humans are unlike coins have more than two sides.

Labeling theory explains the phenomena as “the deviance according to which being labeled as a "deviant" leads a person to engage in deviant behavior.” This was originated in Howard Becker’s work in the 1960s; where he explained why people’s behavior clashes with social norms. But since the 1960s we have had more light on how social norms are changeable and we have a better understanding of human nature and I would like to believe that we all can agree partially or completely that no matter how similar we can appear, we are so different and unique which make it impossible for lots of us to fit in just one category.

  

A lot will debate the labeling is not a big of a deal, and if you don’t fit then simply reject them all. But that ignores the consequences in a larger scale; labels usually, create stereotypes and stereotypes create a self-fulfilling prophecy that affects people and coin them with the same characteristics and blind them from the other sides they might have in them. On the other hand, labels contribute massively in the creation of ideologies, theories and thinking schools which are the great intellectual fundament for our human civilization but when humans get attached to them tightly it creates the worse form of labeling where people only stick to people who only share the same thoughts and ideas that eventually creates extremism which I think is not only associated with religions and politics but everything; nationalism, racism, sexism …etc. which I believe is totally unhealthy for individual intellectual growth and for social tolerance and acceptance.  

Social research indicated that those who have negative labels most likely have lower self-esteem, are more likely to reject themselves, and may act more deviant as a result of the label. From the other side, people who accept the labeling of others—whether it’s correct or incorrect—have a difficult time changing their opinions of the labeled person, even in light of evidence to the contrary. That in the end, the result creates distorted society are unable to think freely for itself or be open-minded enough to accept the fact that variables in our life are subject to constant change and we should be accepting of it no matter if we understood that difference and change or not.

I will not ask anyone to imagine a world where labels never exist because it simply naïve, labels will always exist because it limits our freedom as individual and collective groups which OBVIOUSLY serve certain people who will always find a way to benefit from that. just what if we all have the courage to be ourselves to challenge the labels and ideologies; have our own thoughts and ideas, be open for new knowledge and don’t stick to anything that will take away the smallest part of our character.  Live unapologetically as our own being and exercise the total freedom of thoughts which is one of the things in this life no one can take away from us, be your own thinker and have the capacity to tolerate others thoughts and difference and change the world from within … you the smallest piece of the puzzle and the most important one! 

Why "You look like a Model" isn't a compliment

A lot of people get surprised when I get bothered by a compliment like "You look like a model" or "You should be a model" and how strongly I feel about such topic, not because I look down at models or I think I am better but because I think this topic has a strong impact on people and on our human culture, in general, that's why I am writing this post; to explain why from my point of view "You look like a model" is not a compliment and shouldn't be broadly used or accepted.

I do understand that we are superficial and get attracted to others mainly by their appearance, which is pretty normal and understandable but what I consider wrong is when appearance become everything that matters when appearance presented as superior quality or even when appearance overshadows more important qualities. Certainly, we are more than how we look, but living in a world that puts so much emphasis on looks make people glorify beauty in a disgusting manner which affects people, especially young ones in a really negative way.

Being a model literally requires NOTHING, seriously! You don't need qualifications, talent or knowledge to walk down the runway, all you need is your looks which is something predetermined by your genetics (or in some cases how much money you can spend on surgeries) and few skills no-brainer can't learn but still we find models (males and females) are categorized in the top of social structure and being viewed as role models in so many cases especially recently. Magazines, internet, and shows are presenting advises from models from dieting, fitness, fashion to even how to live your life which represents the flawed mentality of today's life. Models are not nutritionists, they might look healthy but most of the time they are not following healthy diets, models are not fitness experts, they have their own trainer who advises them and guides them all the time, and models are not fashion experts; though that might sound ridiculous but think about it, yeah they work in the fashion industry but again they have their own stylists and they only show what the designer or brands want them to represent so basically modeling is living as a doll or a manikin nothing more, something without a soul or a value.

Of course I don't mean models are less of human beings or less intelligent than any one of us, I bet there are many models who are amazing human beings and have awesome lives beside their modeling career but what I am saying is that modeling not that glorious as it seems and it doesn't require much and certainly is not the happiest career or life, there is this all dark side to it and so much stress based on superficiality, and that's why I feel so strongly toward this subject. I don't like Models being the standard I am compared to though I acknowledge the importance of appearance I don't want to be judged solely on that, I want people to see beyond looks, to care more about character, knowledge, and mentality. I want more valuable qualities to be glorified; like intelligence, compassion, open-mindedness, tolerance, joyfulness ... etc because eventually that what really matters. Looks easily can be faked, plastic surgeries are more common and accepted today than ever .. Funny enough you can take even a loan to have plastic surgery in some countries, people growing to be this obsessed with their looks which I think is very unhealthy because it drives us to the wrong direction as civilization. 

Many people will debate; what a harmless compliment as "you look like a model" has to do with our degradation as a civilization? I will respond with "A LOT" it might not be a big deal for me as a strong, grown-up person but it does a lot to a little girl/boy or a teenager, it builds up their self-perception, self-esteem, and their self-value. It classifies their values and what is important in life. it harms so much that person who suffers self-acceptance because we are molding beauty in one form and saying in an indirect way that beauty comes only in 0/XS size or in a certain height and weight which is a very distorted concept of beauty for me. Every person in this life is beautiful in their own way, and what really matters is being healthy and happy, being knowledgeable and intelligent as much as you can, and certainly beauty is when you try to be the best version of yourself and be nice, interesting, funny, compassionate, humane  and most importantly, not being a judgmental prick!

Words have tremendous power on us, we usually tend to underestimate, so a harmless compliment can build the concept or the value that we should be so careful designing because it doesn't change reality for us alone but it has an impact on life itself. Why we don't stop the comparisons all at once; I would like to be complemented by my own uniqueness, by my own concept and by my own kind of beauty. It is equally good to say simply you are beautiful without limiting that with a certain concept and let people define their own concept of beauty. That will enable people to live with their own concept of beauty and will allow us to see different types of beauty that we are not open enough now to see it. Beauty is a representation of not only looks but a soul and character as well, that we can't see until we neglect the current one-sided concept of beauty.

We are more than how we look!

Enslave the time

           

          A busy world and busy people accordingly no one finds time for anyone anymore, partially true but in my world, you always can find the time for whatever you want the only thing stand in your way is your willingness to do what it takes to have enough time to do everything you want.  I live by that and by far I am living by my principle, sometimes it is even funny when people start to think I am free all the time while honestly in my not so busy day probably I do more than what they do in their super busy day; what makes that possible is how I manage my time. 

Since I have been asked again and again what I do differently I decided to write this post, it might help someone or open someone's eye to really simple yet crucial habits to adapt to have better control over your time because eventually as Victor Hugo said “He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the busiest life.”

Let's start!

Stay healthy:

          My first advice might tune off a lot and sound very mainstream but the truth is; if you won’t invest enough in your health then there is no point in going through the next 7 advises, without a healthy body and mind life is chaos as simple as that and if you will not commit to your own well being you will never be able to commit fully to anything.

By staying healthy I don’t mean to be a fitness freak, just try to sleep enough and by enough I mean whatever give your body the rest it needs between 6 – 8 hours a day, for me, I need 5-6 hours of a sleep a night but it took me lots of experiments to realize that because if I sleep less than that I get tired or if I sleep even 30 mins more than that I get sleepy all day. 

Eat clean, which is a very obvious thing, but to explain I don’t mean stick to broccoli every day, just have at least 4 balanced meals that respond to your nutrient pyramid, activity level, and calories' need and don’t make a habit of snacking on coffee, energy drinks or junk food that makes your brain less responsive and your body lazy because it drives the blood flow to stomach instead of your brain. 

Exercise, the most hated word in the world but researches have shown over and over again that exercising 2- 3 times a week have a very positive impact on your brain and body and allow your body to release hormones that keep you happy and focused, no need to mention that committing to exercise help you to stay on track because you learn discipline. 

Last but not least in this point, have some rest and stay still, have some time each day to read a book, meditate, browse your favorite blog or even listen to music in your coach or watch a movie this will help your active body to regenerate and get ready for another crazy day.

Create healthy habits:

           Again very mainstream yet very important, for a lot of people especially creative people habits, mean boredom. I was myself very much in a war with the routine until recent years, I hate to do anything the same way and I am extremely rebellious toward the idea but experience taught me that having a few healthy enjoyable habits can go all the way of resolving commitment issues. I am that kind of person that loves change and enjoys the challenge so if you want to kill my soul just put me in a routine. But what I am talking about now is creating healthy habits and routines, like sleeping in the same hour each day and waking up the same hour each morning, exercise regularly  or even have a systematic structure for your days, that according to many neurological researches help your brain to create a pattern and eventually doing this routine activities without much effort which will give your brain the capacity to work on more important issues instead of working on simple everyday activities. Routine and commitment go hand in hand to achieve great results so I think it is important to use habitual routines to facilitate the work for our amazing brain a little bit.

Organize your life:

          Now we are heading to the more serious advises managing time, for me as an OCD person organizing stuff, lists and charts are like a religion to me I enjoy them and they make me feel happy and relaxed but I can guess that some people might think of them as chores, a waste of time or unnecessary activities but the truth is spending sometime organizing whatever you will be doing not only eliminate a big portion of mistakes but as well make it easier and more efficient  because when you prepare you will have to schedule and when you schedule you to prioritize and when you prioritize you assess and when you assess you analyze risks and by analyzing risks you expect challenges and accordingly you prepare a plan to resolve them .. or at least you should! Preparations allow you to stay on top of your time management game and make you more efficient personally and professionally which will have uncountable benefits to your life that you will only realize when you start practicing them.

Task Management:

           My favorite part of the process because not only it allows you to know a lot about the task in hand but also discover much about yourself and learn so much about your own capabilities, while you manage your task you are obliged to know what type of task it is and accordingly which time is better to do it. For example  for me when there is a creative work to do I need my full brain capacity and silence to be able to hear my own thoughts so I usually, do anything needs creativity very early in the morning when my brain capacity still in its peak and everybody still sleeping, simple yet needs a lot of investigation. 

Another aspect of this part is multitasking, many people suck in multitasking accordingly don’t do it even if you have to, shifting your focus and your brain from task to task waste time. Staying in the same activity until it is completed is the best thing for everyone or at least with the same set of activities that require the same level of mental and physical activity accordingly you finish faster because your brain is uninterrupted which allow it to process things faster and better. even if you are from the few who manage to multitask brilliantly better not to do it unless you have to, shifting your focus between so many things is waste of time and exhausting so avoid it as possible. 

Finally, sit your goals; you are doing this task for a reason, know that reason  very well it will allow you to better plan your timeline and prepare for the task and accordingly, sit a realistic deadline. Deadlines are important even when you don’t have them create them they allow you to finish stuff and move on, don’t ever say I will stay here until I finish this task, rather sit a specific time to finish it, let’s say after quick assessment you think it will take you 2 hours to finish the task, if it is not important give yourself full 2 hours but if it is an urgent thing then give yourself an hour and a half only to shift your brain to work harder and be prepared for anything, add to that we have to know that most of the time we spend 30 to 40% of the time doing the really important  work while 70 -60% we spend either to manage distractions or do unnecessary activities, be smart about your work and always think out of the box before you start working on anything think of what is the most important part of it and start from there, that will make your life much easier.

Efficiency

           This word can be the best word on my dictionary, I always debate that try to do things better, try again then try again until there is no possible way to do it better. Why is that? Because while trying to do things better you learn what not to do and what is the best way to do something, it teaches you a lot of lessons on efficiency and equips you for the future with better judgment and by that you become more efficient. Efficiency teaches you to use your time wisely, like when you are heading to a meeting and you know you need to be there 30 mins in advance, schedule to do something unimportant meanwhile, like replying to emails or return short phone calls that will give you more time later to focus on important tasks. Or while you are commuting to somewhere read the news or check your social media that will make you eliminate doing unnecessary stuff in necessary times. 

Another aspect of this point is connected with the previous point, learn how to do more by doing less, know what matters the most and do it first leave the least important for another time when you have a less hectic schedule, always keep your eyes on the goal and that will make you realize what is the shortest way to realize your goal, always ask yourself what is required from me to achieve this goal and that will give you the answer of how to do the task. That will as well teach you to delegate the things that less important or any other person can do, don’t be afraid to delegate let others do what you can’t or you won’t manage to do that always will take off your shoulders. Add to that never feel bad to postpone something that can be postponed, if something is not urgent and you know you can do it better tomorrow or if there is an important thing and you don’t have the focus or energy to do it, just put it aside and choose a better time to do it that will allow you to find more time for the task you have in hand and later to do a better job at the task you postponed. 

Eliminate distractions:

          Distractions are the viruses of time management, as unscheduled meeting, unnecessary conversations or daily emails; they make you feel stressed and take lots of time that you can devote to what really matters. As part of life and your time management activity, you need to learn how to expect and manage distractions. Simply learn to say no to unnecessary meetings and conversations, be polite and refer them to another person or reschedule them for a better time, keep your eyes on your priority and eliminate anything else, leave emails for times while you are on the Taxi or in the waiting room and stop checking facebook when you have a report to finish for an approaching deadline, that will allow you to finish faster and go back to your daily activities faster. 

When necessary isolate yourself, ask not to be interrupted and get your work done a lot of people function well with the absence of distractions so if you are easily distracted or a person who can’t handle distractions just get yourself alone and do your work faster and with greater focus.

Know yourself:

          If this is not obvious by now I will make it more obvious, to be able to manage anything in life you need to invest in self-knowledge, you need to know your strengths and weaknesses, you need to know your capacity and how you handle stress, all that will help you prepare and manage your time more efficiently, don’t be afraid to say I am not good at this and delegate it to someone who can do it better. I for instance have a really bad eye for systematic details accordingly I make horrible mistakes when  it comes to revising documents or similar stuff, I am not ashamed to admit that and ask other people to do, I am in the other hand fast in doing any task, so when there is something will take another person one hour to make it I think of an extra task because I know I will finish that task in 30 mins. That gives me the advantage of preparing things in advance and not starting then get surprised in the middle of it by the obstacle I might face. 

Always always ask questions to understand better, I know it is sometimes annoying or embarrassing but it is better to ask than to get stuck, for me, I hate to ask questions for some reason so I found another way to acquire knowledge, I simply research my questions, I usually know that I will have the questions while doing the task so I just go and google whatever I want to know and learn while preparing for the task, that works for me because it keeps the information fresh and in my disposal whenever I do something and that requires deep knowledge of what you can and can’t do and how to manage different situations.

Utilize Weekends:

          Last but not least, weekends are awesome and we wait for them all week, but don't ‎ make that restrict you from using 2-3 hours to finish something or do something that will make your next week start right. Usually, we waste so much time during the weekend doing nothing, use a small amount of that time to lower the workload of next week, if you can set a couple of hours on the weekend to do something important do it, you will be thankful for that next week when you have that crazy Monday where you have 24 hours to do 48 hours load of work. But be careful of how to use your weekend, don’t ever take more than a couple of hours a day because after all you need to re-energize and have some rest or even have some fun, working on weekends is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself or your time management process. The weekend is for rest so let them have their function if you will over work yourself during the weekend you will have half of your energy to do your work during the week so better to leave things for work days and enjoy your weekends and regenerate your energy, this way you go back to work with great attitude, clear mindset and rested body which will impact the results you will have during the week. 

But by saying have fun during the weekend I don’t mean to drink yourself to death or jump all over the place and exhaust yourself, even more, try to have fun but learn to have some rest too. For example, try to party on Friday so you have Saturday and Sunday to recover and never plan something too exhausting on Sunday, leave your Sunday to chill and prepare yourself for the next week, it will pay off on Monday when you wake up so energized and ready for another week.

             I know .. I know by now you think that time management is a hassle and better kept untouched but trust me when I say that, it is an effort that soon you will be grateful for and by the end of the first month you commit to this you will start to get used to it and don’t feel it as a burden, rather than an enjoyable lifestyle that you will be so proud of, no one can say life is easy, neither do time management, it is one of the hardest tasks and that’s why you see many people failing at managing their own time but when you manage to do you feel the satisfaction of doing a hard thing that not anyone is able to do. And certainly, in the long run, your skill will pay off in different aspects of your life professionally and personally. That’s why the most successful people on earth rely on their habits and time as their source for success and they admit over and over again that something like waking up early or committing to some activity got them where they are today, try to do that yourself and you will be the person harvesting the fruits of your discipline and commitment.