Recently, I was thinking about the sexual openness for our generation and how our perception of it changed many things in our lives. I wanted to assess if the current trend is something good for us as human beings or destroying us. Taking into consideration that I refer to sex usually as a biological need that we can’t avoid nor suppress but most definitely regulated within our own boundaries. I sincerely believe that the recent sexual openness is something positive but unfortunately as anything in this life it comes with side effects that might be disastrous in the long run.
I love hearing people discussing sex as a regular topic and being able to explore and experiment. It is wonderful to see people being honest about what they desire and matching that with the right partner. It is extremely healthy if you ask me, that people express their sexual needs and seek to fulfill them in an appropriate manner! All this indicates that we as a generation are able to break social boundaries, develop freedoms, and seek honest self-awareness that enables us to be who we truly are without fears. My hope it will extend to other aspects of life since sex is one of the “taboo” topics that usually in many cultures not preferred to talk about.
Despite all the positiveness that surrounded the sexual openness during this period, came the concern of how lightly we should we take sex? And why or why not should we treat sex as compensation for other needs. It seems to me that many people these days will have sex with anyone they want to, for one reason or another. Either to be perceived as hot and popular or just to fulfill their needs. Not taking into consideration that sex shouldn’t be taken this lightly all the time. I do realize some people desire it more than others but food as well can be looked at this way! Does that mean we can eat all the time we feel like eating something? Do we just put all junk food inside our bodies without concerns? Of course no healthy, level headed person will do that. Why? because they care about their own health. The same goes for sex and even more strictly, because the harm doesn’t come only health-wise but as well as psychological and spiritual wise if we can call it this way.
Having too many partners or having sex with whatever option we have doesn’t only risk our health but as well affect us deeply in ways that we don’t realize in the short term. Actually, I personally believe that many of the issues within our generation related to intimacy, connection, and security comes from our perception of sex and how we use it these days and most of us don’t even realize that. As I said before it is very healthy to fulfill your desires whenever needed but also important to learn how to control them. Eventually, it is something we all can control most of the time and we should be able to do that otherwise it will only grow uglier most of the time.
It is so sad that many of us substitute intimacy with sex, hide their insecurities with many sexual partners, or denying themselves a genuine human connection for the sake of new sexual adventures. Sex is a great tool to bring two souls together creating some sort of connection, but unfortunately many of us nowadays just forgot all that and instead of using sex as a tool, sex became the purpose and the only purpose in so many cases.
I don’t want to sound lame, an idealist or a romantic, because anyone knows me slightly, know that I am none of these and add to that I have a very liberal approach toward sex but recently I was overwhelmed by the relationship's dysfunction we have in modern life and was trying to understand what went wrong for us here. I realized, (that might be my personal perception only not the actual facts) that we are afraid to open up, connect, and show our vulnerabilities. We are willing to go all the way and pretend so many things just not to be intimate with someone - I don’t mean here getting naked kind of intimate - rather soul connection, passion, and intensity. We are all so popular, awesome and one of a kind just to hide our insecurities, fears, and loneliness, but that is not the saddest part. The saddest part is that so many of us got so good at this game that they don’t even realize the problem and will never allow themselves to admit these things ever and they will keep doing this until it is too late and only then they will end up with whatever available kind of option instead of what they really want and need.
It is really pathetic misusing one of the best things in life this way. Sex is a great tool to feel connected, to get intimate, and be secure in life. No matter how much we will deny this but we are social creatures and we strive on love, security, and stability and sex is one of the things that help us to achieve these needs, that’s why we need it so much besides the obvious biological need to procreate. Nothing better than to find a person that you are sexually open with but as well can connect, share intimacy, and feel secure with. But instead, most of the use trying to fill a void within themselves with sex but I guess that void is only going to get bigger and bigger. There come periods in anyone’s life where they need to explore, discover themselves and find out their options but it gets a bit tricky if the person gets too much into this way of living and forgets what real connection feels like. They start to have unrealistic fears of intimacy and insecurities that help in creating a gap between this person and any person they get close to and with that, they keep running in circles of disappointments they never are able to escape.
I shamelessly never deny that sex is one of my favorite things in life but that will never make me refer to it as the most important thing in life because for me it is just the tool to get much more important emotions and needs. Unfortunately so many confused the emotions and needs with the tool and continue to abuse sex seeking the emotions they lack but will never be able to get out of it what they want. Sex will never compensate for lack of love, or for true human connection. Sex only enhances these feelings, intensifies them, and fills the small cracks in our souls because most of the time security is what we looking for and love is what we truly seek.
It is wonderful to be sexually open, experimental, crazy, and weird but it gets to a different level of the divine to be all of these with a person who accepts you, loves you, and genuinely cares about you. A person who will be there for you not only when you are open and crazy but as well when you are broken and insecure. Someone who will comfort all your fears and ignite with you all fires. I just hope that this is only a phase for us as a generation that we are going through but eventually will rationalize and realize what really matters and stop trying to compensate what we really need with just what we think we want. My ultimate wish that people embrace their vulnerabilities and hold dearly their brokenness. I hope to live long enough to see that happening!
